Relationships are hard. When you add kids, they are even harder! I want to give you some tips to help you keep the spark alive after kids!
I can tell you from experience that as a mom, it is hard to make time for your relationship. By the time my husband gets home from work, I am exhausted! I work part-time and on the days that I work, I am tired from working and then parenting responsibilities after working. On days I am home with the kids, I am exhausted from taking care of the kids, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
Honestly, some days after being home with the kids, I am burnt out by someone constantly needing something from me or needing to touch me. This can sometimes make it hard to prioritize my relationship with my husband.
My husband and I have been parents for about 7.5 years. To tell you the truth, for the first few years, we were not very good at prioritizing our relationship. Not that our marriage was bad by any means, but we didn’t give it the attention it needed.
It’s certainly getting a little easier as our kids get older… our kids are currently 7.5, 4, and 3 years, but we really started working on prioritizing our relationship once our middle son was about 1 year old. It has made such a difference in our marriage and I wish we would have taken the time to do it sooner!
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Here are some ways to keep the spark alive after kids:
1. Take time for yourself where no one needs anything from you!
- After you’ve spent all day with littles that constantly need something from you or need to touch you, it’s hard to want someone else to touch you or “need” something from you. Taking a little time away for yourself can help you reset.
- You need to fill your own cup before you can fill anyone else’s cup.
- Here are some ideas to help decrease mom stress.
- I recently took this 14 day email series course and it really helped me to make time for myself and feel better about myself so I have more energy for my husband and kids! I would recommend finding something to do for yourself!
2. Make time for your significant other away from the kids.
- This can be something as simple as getting a sitter for a couple of hours and getting coffee, going out to eat, or having a couples game night.
- Here are some games we like to play: Farkle and Monopoly.
- When our kids were babies, we dropped our kids off at family members’ houses every couple of months, got takeout, and just went and sat in our quiet house.
- I’ve even gotten a sitter before so we could reorganize and clean part of our house together! Doing anything together can help your relationship.
- It can be hard to stick to a budget when you go out, but this doesn’t have to be super time-consuming or costly. Something very simple can go a long way.
3. Take a vacation together.
- When our oldest was about 1, we took a vacation to Vegas for a week. That was amazing, but it’s also hard to leave for that length of time, especially as we had more kids. and depending on your kid’s needs. We vowed that we would take a yearly vacation, but we all know that didn’t happen.
- After that vacation, we didn’t take another one for several years. Our middle son was a terrible baby and I couldn’t leave him for even a couple of days. Once he started sleeping through the night, I got pregnant with our 3rd. Then our middle son started having seizures and it just seemed like one thing after the other prevented us from going.
- Our middle son’s seizures are currently well controlled and a couple of summers ago, we decided to start our vacations back up.
- We’ve been sticking within 2 hours from home. That way we can get home IF something would happen. So far (fingers crossed!) nothing has happened!
- We’ve taken anywhere from 3-5 days away. It’s so nice to have that time to talk without kids around, be on our own schedule, and just have time to reconnect.
- Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my kids dearly, but this time to recharge and reconnect is VERY important.
4. Make time to make love.
- This topic tends to make people feel very uncomfortable, but let’s face it, it’s part of our relationship! And an important part at that!
- It’s, unfortunately, a part of our relationship that can get forgotten about… we are too tired, don’t feel great, sick of people touching us, etc.
- However, I think it is important to make time for it… and if you start making time, you might start to enjoy it again!!
- You might have to schedule a time when your kids are young… I know… it’s not as romantic. But let’s face it, it’s hard to find a time when your kids are all sleeping!
- Find a time when your kids sleeping or are not around and make a commitment to do it!
- If you tend to be more tired in the evenings, try doing it in the afternoon during a nap.
5. Do something to feel more confident in yourself!
- This will look different for everyone… maybe certain clothes make you feel more confident or maybe it’s getting your hair done or exercising. But whatever it is, figure it out, and make time for it!
- There are 3 things that really make me feel frumpy:
- When I haven’t exercised in a while… exercise makes me feel better and I think I look better. I am much more confident in myself when I’ve been exercising consistently for a couple of weeks. I don’t make a HUGE commitment to this, but I do make it a priority. I usually exercise 3-4 days a week for about 30 minutes each time.
- When I haven’t showered in a couple days.
- When I haven’t had my mustache and unibrow waxed in a couple of months… this is something that can make a woman feel unattractive! So I know I need to make an appointment to take care of this!
- Anyways, do something to improve your confidence in yourself! It’s hard to get in the mood to have sex if you don’t feel good about yourself!
6. Communicate!
- This is so important, but it can be so difficult to do at times!
- Make sure to put your devices down and have a real conversation with your significant other!
- This can help you feel closer and more connected.
There are many ways to keep the spark alive after kids! It is important and you NEED to make time for your relationship.
Raising small kids can be a challenging (but yet rewarding) time in your lives! But don’t get so wrapped up in taking care of your kids that you forget about your spouse and your relationship! Make sure you make time to keep the spark alive!
What are some ways that you keep the spark alive in your relationship?
